i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
