There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize