ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
