At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
