Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize