idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
