The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
