Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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