you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
