I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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