Slut skills are useful in every country.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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