Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
