I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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