I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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