a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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