He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize