My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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