so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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