There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i believe in u and ur pee
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
