I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They took my balls.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
