Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
