Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
two words: eviction party
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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