he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
