I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
