My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
