K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
are you so shy because you have an std?
why do cheetos always look like penises
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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