I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
be right there i have to get my cape
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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