coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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