Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
