Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i drank out of a bidet.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
