So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
