textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
