I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
