somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
