Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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