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I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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