Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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