My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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