my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
