his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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