I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
