I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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