Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
