thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i barfeds in our rink
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
