oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
