I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
