I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
