a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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