yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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