I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
