Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
