I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
