one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
