you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
