38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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