I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
