Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
