awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
