Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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