Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize