You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
did you just send me my own nude
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
