I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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