Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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