Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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