i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
