You just made me feel so damn special
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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