weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
