there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
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If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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