just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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