I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
