i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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