I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
