Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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