you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
