is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
