apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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