my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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