i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
