Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
