how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just threw up on my dentist
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
